Hope and Normalcy

I really don't know if this blog has helped anyone but me. But I think part of the healing process for me has been to write. So in an effort to continue the journey, I feel impressed to record some thoughts today.

I simply want to testify that healing is possible. At first, I thought my life was over, that everything I had ever known or understood disappeared in the moment I discovered my husband's addiction. But I have learned that healing takes time. Lots of time.

I will be eternally grateful for a patient, wise marriage counselor. He did not share my faith, but he shared my desire for reconciliation. He told us our marriage was his client, and he truly helped his client. We learned how to communicate, how to share fears and insecurities and that disharmony in a marriage is an opportunity to grow. It is not something to be avoided and ignored. I simply cannot fathom reaching this peaceful point in our marriage without the counseling we received. It was invaluable to us.

I am so thankful for the priesthood - for wise, caring leaders who had the keys to counsel me and offer insight directly from the Lord. Though not necessarily men I knew well before, in this setting they were invaluable to my healing. There were times when they spoke when I knew they were speaking for the Lord. How I needed His guidance, His comfort. How I needed the priesthood blessings that only they could pronounce at that point in my life.

I am so grateful for the temple. I gained more insight, peace & power from that place than anywhere else. I have since returned with my worthy husband and we have experienced continued healing together there. It is worth every sacrifice to be within those walls.

I am thankful for the scriptures and for prayer - for a continued lifeline to the words of the Lord and the comfort of a loving Heavenly Father. These practices are the conduit to inviting and receiving the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost.

I am filled with gratitude for my Savior, Jesus Christ. Because of Him, because of His infinite atonement, I don't hurt anymore. He has taken away my pain. I cannot explain it fully. It required constant effort on my part to choose each day to have faith, but it also was an incredible gift. After a very long time of feeling like I would always carry a measure of the sorrow in my heart, the Savior finally took it away. I can still remember the moments of depth with searing clarity in my mind, but my heart does not ache with the unending burden I once thought would never leave me. To say this change was miraculous feels to me an understatement. It was belovedly brilliant and completely altered the course of my life.

There is hope. I promise. There is peace. I promise. There is a future for you. I promise. Hold on. Cling to your covenants, to your Savior. Through Him, the healing will come and it will surpass all of the darkness and pain. I know. It has happened to me.