"Let us be merciful with each other. We certainly do not criticize hospital patients amid intensive care for looking pale and preoccupied. Why then those recovering from surgery on their souls? No need for us to stare; those stitches will finally come out. And in this hospital, too, it is important for everyone to remember that the hospital chart is not the patient." Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Quote Book, p. 210
"We do notice each other's weaknesses. But we should not celebrate them. Let us be grateful for the small strides that we and others make, rather than rejoice in the shortfalls. And when mistakes occur, let them become instructive, not destructive." Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Quote Book, p. 213
O Lord, help me be merciful.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Meekness
"More regrettable than the Church being accused of not being Christian is when Church members react to such accusations in an un-Christlike way! May our conversations with other always be marked by the fruits of the Spirit - 'love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, [and] temperance' (Galatians 5:22-23). To be meek, as defined in Webster's dictionary, is 'manifesting patience and longsuffering: enduring injury without resentment.' Meekness is not weakness. It is a badge of Christian courage." Elder Robert D. Hales, "Christian Courage: The Price of Discipleship", Ensign Nov. 2008, 73
"Human suffering does not automatically produce sweetness and character unless meekness is present. Meekness is the mulch that must go in the soil of adversity in order for empathy to grow and in order for character to grow. Jesus could not have become the most empathetic person had he not been the most meek person." Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Quote Book, p. 208
"If sufficient meekness is in us, it will not only help us to jettison unneeded burdens, but will also keep us from becoming mired in the ooze of self-pity. Furthermore, true meekness has a metabolism that actually requires very little praise or recognition - of which there is usually such a shortage anyway." Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Quote Book, p. 207
"The meek...make stepping-stones of stumbling blocks." Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Quote Book, p.
206
O Lord, teach me meekness.
"Human suffering does not automatically produce sweetness and character unless meekness is present. Meekness is the mulch that must go in the soil of adversity in order for empathy to grow and in order for character to grow. Jesus could not have become the most empathetic person had he not been the most meek person." Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Quote Book, p. 208
"If sufficient meekness is in us, it will not only help us to jettison unneeded burdens, but will also keep us from becoming mired in the ooze of self-pity. Furthermore, true meekness has a metabolism that actually requires very little praise or recognition - of which there is usually such a shortage anyway." Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Quote Book, p. 207
"The meek...make stepping-stones of stumbling blocks." Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Quote Book, p.
206
O Lord, teach me meekness.
Mondays and Mornings
Mondays and mornings are my two hardest times right now.
Mondays have been feeling like a huge slap in the face. Sundays have been my respite, my refuge from the storm. I have been relishing in the spirit and the uplifting atmosphere of worship on the Sabbath and finding such great strength in that time. So Mondays when I have to face things like laundry, dirty bathrooms and fixing lunch it just feels so insignificant and overwhelming. I also have been placing my name on the prayer role each week as I have attended the temple. I realized that the temple is closed on Mondays, so it's the only day besides Sunday that I am not the beneficiary of many mighty prayers on my behalf. I think I need to fast on Mondays.
Mornings are the constant daily reminder that my life is different. Other than that first terrible night, I have been miraculously able to sleep during this ordeal. Eating is an entirely different story, but I have been able to sleep - often very hard and deep. So as I wake up each day, I feel the sorrow somehow anew. I have to process it all over again and come to the disheartening realization that this, in fact, is now my life. I am so grateful for prayer. We are praying together as a couple again for the first time in years and I am thankful he has taken to saying the morning prayer. It gives me an ounce of hope to cling to and makes it so I feel able to then kneel on my own and offer my own prayer.
Mondays and mornings - moments of sorrow renewed.
Mondays have been feeling like a huge slap in the face. Sundays have been my respite, my refuge from the storm. I have been relishing in the spirit and the uplifting atmosphere of worship on the Sabbath and finding such great strength in that time. So Mondays when I have to face things like laundry, dirty bathrooms and fixing lunch it just feels so insignificant and overwhelming. I also have been placing my name on the prayer role each week as I have attended the temple. I realized that the temple is closed on Mondays, so it's the only day besides Sunday that I am not the beneficiary of many mighty prayers on my behalf. I think I need to fast on Mondays.
Mornings are the constant daily reminder that my life is different. Other than that first terrible night, I have been miraculously able to sleep during this ordeal. Eating is an entirely different story, but I have been able to sleep - often very hard and deep. So as I wake up each day, I feel the sorrow somehow anew. I have to process it all over again and come to the disheartening realization that this, in fact, is now my life. I am so grateful for prayer. We are praying together as a couple again for the first time in years and I am thankful he has taken to saying the morning prayer. It gives me an ounce of hope to cling to and makes it so I feel able to then kneel on my own and offer my own prayer.
Mondays and mornings - moments of sorrow renewed.
Monday, December 29, 2008
I Know Why Forrest Ran
I know why Forrest ran. And ran. And ran. His betrayal was so complete, his heart was shattered, he couldn't breathe, he couldn't feel. So he ran - the blood pumping furiously through his body, the wind piercing his skin, the constant pounding of the street under his shoes, the steady breath, in - out - in - out. He ran so he could feel something, anything, so he wouldn't forget how to feel altogether. That's why he never noticed anyone was running with him. He never knew how far he had gone. He never heard the crowds surrounding him and cheering for him. He was running to feel his heart - confirm for himself that it really was still there. That the shattered pieces could still pump, still beat, still work. That maybe if his heart could do that, maybe one day, if he ran enough, it would finally stop hurting and be able to heal. Run, Forrest, run.
To Find Myself Anew
I've always felt confident in who I was. I felt that I understood myself clearly and knew myself well. I'm finding myself wondering how to find my way back to her. Things in life I'd become so accustomed to as to take them for granted - love, trust, friendship, affection - seem somehow juvenile in their simplicity. And yet, that's one of the things that attracted me to my husband in the first place. He could make me laugh and I knew I would always feel young with him.
There is no way back. There is only forward. There is only the search to find out how to become whole again, trying to hold onto the aspects of myself that I still know, letting go of those that must not have been true in the first place and working to discover new definitions of love, of trust, of friendship and affection. I have to believe that new ways await - I just have to.
There is no way back. There is only forward. There is only the search to find out how to become whole again, trying to hold onto the aspects of myself that I still know, letting go of those that must not have been true in the first place and working to discover new definitions of love, of trust, of friendship and affection. I have to believe that new ways await - I just have to.
Mad
Today I'm just mad. Spitfire mad. Mad that sorting laundry throws me into a catatonic state. Mad that my children's efforts to clean bathrooms elicit criticism instead of praise. Mad that the thought of fixing dinner is paralyzing. Mad that I have an aversion to shopping. Mad that any unexpected or unintended conversation with another person who doesn't know what I'm experiencing forces me to pretend yet again that I am the same person I was two weeks ago. Mad that I have to see a counselor and even madder that I know how desperately I need it. Mad that running now is an escape instead of simply exercise. Mad that every morning I have to wake up and relive the horror again, wishing against everything I know that somehow this is all just a terrible dream. Mad that I have to figure out all over again who I really am, when I thought I always knew. Mad that I know how the anger is poisoning me. Mad that I realize how much I need to forgive my husband for MY sake and SO mad that it seems so utterly impossible for me to forgive without complete trust again. Mad that the trust I have given so completely and freely for my entire life is something I have to guard, hide, and dole out in miserly selfish portions. SO MAD.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Insights from Injury
My son got hurt after church today, badly. Blood and screaming and everything. As my husband and I rushed to him, rushed to comfort him, assure and reassure him that everything would be okay and that Dad would take him to the hospital and be right by his side, I kept seeing myself in his eyes. I saw the fear, the pain, the tears, the terror, the uncertainty that he would be able to handle the situation and the future, wondering if he could endure the necessary pain to heal his gaping wound. In my efforts to calm him, I heard the loving voice and felt the tender hand of my Father in Heaven saying the same things to me.
I'm right here.
You will be okay, I promise.
I know it will hurt, but you need to have the wound fixed so it can heal properly.
Don't be scared.
Daddy will right by your side the whole time.
I'm so sorry.
I love you.
Let me hold you.
Let me wipe away your tears.
The Holy Ghost is the comforter. You have the right to have him with you the whole time. Just pray and he will be right there.
It will be okay.
The wound will heal.
It won't hurt forever.
I'm right here.
You will be okay, I promise.
I know it will hurt, but you need to have the wound fixed so it can heal properly.
Don't be scared.
Daddy will right by your side the whole time.
I'm so sorry.
I love you.
Let me hold you.
Let me wipe away your tears.
The Holy Ghost is the comforter. You have the right to have him with you the whole time. Just pray and he will be right there.
It will be okay.
The wound will heal.
It won't hurt forever.
Discipleship
"If we are serious about your discipleship, Jesus will eventually request each of us to do those very things which are most difficult for us to do."
Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Quote Book p.90
This experience is it for me.
Elder Neal A. Maxwell, Quote Book p.90
This experience is it for me.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Peace - a commandment
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland taught:
-
“The Savior said, ‘Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you. … Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid’ (John 14:27).
-
“I submit to you, that may be one of the Savior’s commandments that is, even in the hearts of otherwise faithful Latter-day Saints, almost universally disobeyed; and yet I wonder whether our resistance to this invitation could be any more grievous to the Lord’s merciful heart. I can tell you this as a parent: as concerned as I would be if somewhere in their lives one of my children were seriously troubled or unhappy or disobedient, nevertheless I would be infinitely more devastated if I felt that at such a time that child could not trust me to help or thought his or her interest was unimportant to me or unsafe in my care. In that same spirit, I am convinced that none of us can appreciate how deeply it wounds the loving heart of the Savior of the world when he finds that his people do not feel confident in his care or secure in his hands or trust in his commandments” (“Come unto Me,” Ensign, Apr. 1998, 19).
Hope
"The Infinite Power of Hope" by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf from Nov. 2008 Ensign
"Hope is a gift of the spirit. It is a hope that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the power of His resurrection, we shall be raised unto life eternal and this because of our faith in the Savior. This kind of hope is both a principle of promise as well as a commandment, and, as with all commandments, we have the responsibility to make it an active part of our lives and overcome the temptation to lose hope. Hope in our Heavenly Father's merciful plan of happiness leads to peace, mercy, rejoicing, and gladness. The hope of salvation is like a protective helmet; it is the foundation of our faith and an anchor to our souls."
"Hope is not knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us...It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance."
"No matter how bleak the chapter of our lives may look today, because of the life and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we may hope and be assured that the ending of the book of our lives will exceed our grandest expectations."
"..there are times when the darkness may seem unbearable. It is in these times that the divine principles of the restored gospel we hope in can uphold us and carry us until, once again, we walk in the light."
"There may be times when we must make a courageous decision to hope even when everything around us contradicts this hope...as one writer expressed, 'in the depth of winter [we find] within [us] an invincible summer.' "
"...to all those who suffer - to all who feel discouraged, worried, or lonely - I say with love and deep concern for you, never give in.
Never surrender.
Never allow despair to overcome your spirit.
Embrace and rely upon the Hope of Israel, for the love of the Son of God pierces all darkness, softens all sorrow, and gladdens every heart.
Of this I testify and leave you my blessing in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."
"Hope is a gift of the spirit. It is a hope that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the power of His resurrection, we shall be raised unto life eternal and this because of our faith in the Savior. This kind of hope is both a principle of promise as well as a commandment, and, as with all commandments, we have the responsibility to make it an active part of our lives and overcome the temptation to lose hope. Hope in our Heavenly Father's merciful plan of happiness leads to peace, mercy, rejoicing, and gladness. The hope of salvation is like a protective helmet; it is the foundation of our faith and an anchor to our souls."
"Hope is not knowledge, but rather the abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promise to us...It is believing and expecting that our prayers will be answered. It is manifest in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance."
"No matter how bleak the chapter of our lives may look today, because of the life and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we may hope and be assured that the ending of the book of our lives will exceed our grandest expectations."
"..there are times when the darkness may seem unbearable. It is in these times that the divine principles of the restored gospel we hope in can uphold us and carry us until, once again, we walk in the light."
"There may be times when we must make a courageous decision to hope even when everything around us contradicts this hope...as one writer expressed, 'in the depth of winter [we find] within [us] an invincible summer.' "
"...to all those who suffer - to all who feel discouraged, worried, or lonely - I say with love and deep concern for you, never give in.
Never surrender.
Never allow despair to overcome your spirit.
Embrace and rely upon the Hope of Israel, for the love of the Son of God pierces all darkness, softens all sorrow, and gladdens every heart.
Of this I testify and leave you my blessing in the name of Jesus Christ, amen."
Friday, December 26, 2008
Purpose in the Pain
There are two overriding emotions that keep surfacing that are being seared into my heart and soul. Compassion and sharing the gospel.
I see people differently now. Any trace of judgment or self-righteousness I had been selfishly hanging onto has been purged with fire from my heart. I find myself wanting, needing to be with others who are lonely, hurting or in need. Not so I can share my misery with theirs and wallow in it, but so I can bring some sense of comfort and compassion to them. I see homeless men on the street and cry, wanting to do something for them. I look at others and wonder if they're lonely or hurting or in need. I understand now why the Savior surrounded himself with those people during His earthly ministry. He had genuine compassion and love for them.
I need to share the good news of the gospel - to declare the mercy and merits of the Savior to everyone around me. I feel such a burning desire to share the gospel that I have never experienced before. I feel the need to be bold in my testimony, to not fear offense or judgment, but to state clearly what I believe and know. I feel the overarching need to bring others to the Lord. He is the way, the truth and the light.
So perhaps there is some purpose to my pain. Perhaps Heavenly Father knew what He needed me to become and is allowing me to suffer to truly change my heart.
Proverbs 3:5-6
I see people differently now. Any trace of judgment or self-righteousness I had been selfishly hanging onto has been purged with fire from my heart. I find myself wanting, needing to be with others who are lonely, hurting or in need. Not so I can share my misery with theirs and wallow in it, but so I can bring some sense of comfort and compassion to them. I see homeless men on the street and cry, wanting to do something for them. I look at others and wonder if they're lonely or hurting or in need. I understand now why the Savior surrounded himself with those people during His earthly ministry. He had genuine compassion and love for them.
I need to share the good news of the gospel - to declare the mercy and merits of the Savior to everyone around me. I feel such a burning desire to share the gospel that I have never experienced before. I feel the need to be bold in my testimony, to not fear offense or judgment, but to state clearly what I believe and know. I feel the overarching need to bring others to the Lord. He is the way, the truth and the light.
So perhaps there is some purpose to my pain. Perhaps Heavenly Father knew what He needed me to become and is allowing me to suffer to truly change my heart.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Run
Go to the temple. Go to the temple. Go to the temple. Satan will try and tell you you're not worthy, that it's too excrutiating to go by yourself, too far, too difficult, too hard. GO. You have kept your covenants. You have power available to you in the keeping of your covenants. Go do initiatories. Listen to your promises. Go to an endowment session. Listen to your promises - look for ways to fight the adversary. The power is YOURS. Claim it. GO TO THE TEMPLE. Now. Often. As much as you can. You need the strength and power that is yours to claim there. Run.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Tender Mercy
How grateful I have been for my food storage. Who would have imagined that my obedience in that would be preserving me in such a literal way? We have the finances for me to buy food, but I don't have the emotional stamina or the mental capacity to deal with something so trivial and overwhelming as planning menus and shopping for ingredients. "If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear."
Journey to the Promised Land
It's been a week - a wonderful, hellish, emotional, exhausting week filled with moments of great hope and inspiration as well as times of deep despair. I keep wondering when and if I will ever feel 'normal' again and then find myself wondering what that really means. This experience has changed me profoundly, deeply and I don't think the old me will ever really return. So I am trying to move forward in search of a new sense of self.
My youngest son asked me to watch a movie with him the other day. It was the story of Nephi building the ship and crossing the sea to the promised land. As I sat and watched it with him, finding comfort in his little body on my lap, I felt so much like Nephi. I saw the journey ahead of me as a vast ocean to cross with the promise of a much better land once I get there. I saw myself standing on the shore needing to build a ship to get across it and needing to build it from scratch. Nephi had never taken a ship building class. He didn't have skilled ship builders with him on the shore. He didn't even have blueprints or plans to help him know how to build it. He only had himself, his faith and the Lord. Just like me.
This journey is so intensely personal, which is part of what has been so incredibly excrutiating. It's been so hard not to keep imagining all the other tragedies which now seem to me would be so easy to bear. I have legions of friends, family members & church members who would be at my doorstep to help if I were only at the liberty to ask. I've struggled dealing with my anger that the very sin that has pushed me into the darkness is also the one that is isolating me from the support and help that I desperately need. There is such irony that in an effort to somehow preserve my husband's trust, I can't tell anyone. It seems incredibly unfair and completely undeserved since he has violated my trust over and over and over for our entire marriage. It smacks of injustice that the only way to rebuild the trust that has been decimated is to preserve the shards of it that are left right now. I pray for the mercy to overcome the justice...or injustice.
The Lord has showered me with tender mercies. He has led me to books, movies, talks & music that have taught me and given me strength and insight. I picked up "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren at the library last week. In reading just a couple of the chapters, particularly the one on the purpose of adversity, I came to some sense of understanding of the isolation and the purificiation that can and will come from this time. He said, "You'll never know that God is all you need until God is all you have." I have felt that so intensely. In a moment of deepest despair in expressing my loneliness, my Stake President counseled that this experience would give me a unique opportunity to partner with the Lord. Just like Nephi. He had to pray to find the ore, for the knowledge to build the bellows to melt the ore to form into the tools before he could even begin to build the ship. I can't look at the ocean - I can't focus on the overwhelming journey that most certainly lies ahead for me. I can only pray for the ore.
Another quote from the book said, "Your focus determines your feelings." I have felt so powerless so many times in the past several weeks. I have always been somewhat of a control freak and the Lord has been trying to teach me otherwise for years, but this experience has eradicated that. I don't know from one minute or hour to the next how I will be feeling. I don't know if tomorrow I will finally be able to handle something as simple as going grocery shopping. This lack of control has contributed so much to my despairing - wondering how to survive when I'm at the mercy of my unanticipated roller coaster of emotions. But this thought - that my focus could not just affect but DETERMINE my feelings gave me a thread of power back. I cannot change the past. I cannot change the circumstances. I cannot change my husband's addiction, but I can change my focus.
I had a teacher once tell me the two most powerful words in the English language are, "What if?" In the past few weeks as my mind has raced through all the scenarios in the past, asking myself all the inevitable what ifs, it has spiraled me further and further into anger and despair. How could I not have known? How could he have taken me to the temple? How could he have accepted callings? How could his priesthood leaders or his parents not have known? Why didn't the spirit tell me sooner? Why? What? How? When? Lower and deeper and darker. But what if? What if this is the best thing that could happen to our marriage? What if he truly is sincere in his repentance? What if his letting go of this dark secret, truly healing and repenting makes him a better husband and father? What if this experience could refine me, change me permanently for the better and make me more like the Savior? My focus determines my feelings. My focus determines my feelings.
There is only One who knows the tools I will need to cross this ocean. I must remember the hope of the promised land, but focus only on the task at hand. I must ask in faith to find the ore, knowing He will teach me step by step how to build the massive ship to cross the water. I must return again and again to His house so He can teach and tutor me. He is the great Creator. He is the great Instructor. He is the great Healer. He is the great Ship Builder.
My youngest son asked me to watch a movie with him the other day. It was the story of Nephi building the ship and crossing the sea to the promised land. As I sat and watched it with him, finding comfort in his little body on my lap, I felt so much like Nephi. I saw the journey ahead of me as a vast ocean to cross with the promise of a much better land once I get there. I saw myself standing on the shore needing to build a ship to get across it and needing to build it from scratch. Nephi had never taken a ship building class. He didn't have skilled ship builders with him on the shore. He didn't even have blueprints or plans to help him know how to build it. He only had himself, his faith and the Lord. Just like me.
This journey is so intensely personal, which is part of what has been so incredibly excrutiating. It's been so hard not to keep imagining all the other tragedies which now seem to me would be so easy to bear. I have legions of friends, family members & church members who would be at my doorstep to help if I were only at the liberty to ask. I've struggled dealing with my anger that the very sin that has pushed me into the darkness is also the one that is isolating me from the support and help that I desperately need. There is such irony that in an effort to somehow preserve my husband's trust, I can't tell anyone. It seems incredibly unfair and completely undeserved since he has violated my trust over and over and over for our entire marriage. It smacks of injustice that the only way to rebuild the trust that has been decimated is to preserve the shards of it that are left right now. I pray for the mercy to overcome the justice...or injustice.
The Lord has showered me with tender mercies. He has led me to books, movies, talks & music that have taught me and given me strength and insight. I picked up "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren at the library last week. In reading just a couple of the chapters, particularly the one on the purpose of adversity, I came to some sense of understanding of the isolation and the purificiation that can and will come from this time. He said, "You'll never know that God is all you need until God is all you have." I have felt that so intensely. In a moment of deepest despair in expressing my loneliness, my Stake President counseled that this experience would give me a unique opportunity to partner with the Lord. Just like Nephi. He had to pray to find the ore, for the knowledge to build the bellows to melt the ore to form into the tools before he could even begin to build the ship. I can't look at the ocean - I can't focus on the overwhelming journey that most certainly lies ahead for me. I can only pray for the ore.
Another quote from the book said, "Your focus determines your feelings." I have felt so powerless so many times in the past several weeks. I have always been somewhat of a control freak and the Lord has been trying to teach me otherwise for years, but this experience has eradicated that. I don't know from one minute or hour to the next how I will be feeling. I don't know if tomorrow I will finally be able to handle something as simple as going grocery shopping. This lack of control has contributed so much to my despairing - wondering how to survive when I'm at the mercy of my unanticipated roller coaster of emotions. But this thought - that my focus could not just affect but DETERMINE my feelings gave me a thread of power back. I cannot change the past. I cannot change the circumstances. I cannot change my husband's addiction, but I can change my focus.
I had a teacher once tell me the two most powerful words in the English language are, "What if?" In the past few weeks as my mind has raced through all the scenarios in the past, asking myself all the inevitable what ifs, it has spiraled me further and further into anger and despair. How could I not have known? How could he have taken me to the temple? How could he have accepted callings? How could his priesthood leaders or his parents not have known? Why didn't the spirit tell me sooner? Why? What? How? When? Lower and deeper and darker. But what if? What if this is the best thing that could happen to our marriage? What if he truly is sincere in his repentance? What if his letting go of this dark secret, truly healing and repenting makes him a better husband and father? What if this experience could refine me, change me permanently for the better and make me more like the Savior? My focus determines my feelings. My focus determines my feelings.
There is only One who knows the tools I will need to cross this ocean. I must remember the hope of the promised land, but focus only on the task at hand. I must ask in faith to find the ore, knowing He will teach me step by step how to build the massive ship to cross the water. I must return again and again to His house so He can teach and tutor me. He is the great Creator. He is the great Instructor. He is the great Healer. He is the great Ship Builder.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Goliath Slayer
The technology I am using at this very moment is the same technology that has wreaked horrendous havoc on my marriage, my home and my husband. I have fasted today, pondered heavily and prayed mightily over how to work through this infinite heartache and repair the seemingly irreparable damage caused by my husband's addiction. My initial response was to rip the internet cables out of the wall, throw the computer off a cliff and hide from technology forever. Except that what has been a great source of darkness for my husband for years and years has been a great source of light to me.
The ability to share and communicate thoughts and ideas holds great power - for good or for evil. I have never experienced such anger towards evil, towards Satan and his slimy minions who are working tirelessly to use this technology to trap and ensnare righteous, faithful men and innocent, impressionable children - enslaving them in addictions filled with secrecy and deceit - and threatening strong, eternal families in cataclysmic, catastrophic ways. So instead of succumbing to Satan's constant threatenings, feelings of panic and fear that could easily cause me to cut myself off from the internet altogether, I choose to fight him in the same arena. This Goliath is strong, intimidating, threatening, loud, insistent, pervasive and mighty, but with my small stone of faith I know I can cause his fall. I will use my influence and experience to flood the world with as much light as possible to combat the darkness. I will share my testimony at every turn and will not let him succeed in destroying my marriage, my faith & my family.
And thus I become Goliath Slayer.
The ability to share and communicate thoughts and ideas holds great power - for good or for evil. I have never experienced such anger towards evil, towards Satan and his slimy minions who are working tirelessly to use this technology to trap and ensnare righteous, faithful men and innocent, impressionable children - enslaving them in addictions filled with secrecy and deceit - and threatening strong, eternal families in cataclysmic, catastrophic ways. So instead of succumbing to Satan's constant threatenings, feelings of panic and fear that could easily cause me to cut myself off from the internet altogether, I choose to fight him in the same arena. This Goliath is strong, intimidating, threatening, loud, insistent, pervasive and mighty, but with my small stone of faith I know I can cause his fall. I will use my influence and experience to flood the world with as much light as possible to combat the darkness. I will share my testimony at every turn and will not let him succeed in destroying my marriage, my faith & my family.
And thus I become Goliath Slayer.
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