I've always felt confident in who I was. I felt that I understood myself clearly and knew myself well. I'm finding myself wondering how to find my way back to her. Things in life I'd become so accustomed to as to take them for granted - love, trust, friendship, affection - seem somehow juvenile in their simplicity. And yet, that's one of the things that attracted me to my husband in the first place. He could make me laugh and I knew I would always feel young with him.
There is no way back. There is only forward. There is only the search to find out how to become whole again, trying to hold onto the aspects of myself that I still know, letting go of those that must not have been true in the first place and working to discover new definitions of love, of trust, of friendship and affection. I have to believe that new ways await - I just have to.
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