Depression is a stage of the grief process.
It is exhausting, encompassing and overwhelmingly discouraging.
It feels like it will last forever.
It is not, however, meant to be a permanent state of being.
If it feels like it has become that, seek outside help.
It's okay.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Can I Go There Today?
As life is slowly making its way back to some sense of normalcy, I find it harder and harder to allow myself to go to the depths of sorrow and sorting through required for ultimate healing. I struggle to know how to go from sobbing uncontrollably to picking up my little one from preschool, so some days I just don't go there even when I need to. It doesn't go away, though. The emotions can't be ignored or put off or stuffed away. They find a way to come out somehow - at times that are often less than opportune.
I'm learning that I have to give myself permission to heal, including the time and energy to do it. I'm having to eliminate any extra burdens, obligations, appointments, & stresses in my life so that I can focus on myself and my healing. I struggle to not feel guilty about it, especially since I'm not able to give explanations, but I'm learning to be much more compassionate and much less judgmental of myself and of others. You never know what burdens others are really carrying.
I'm learning that I have to give myself permission to heal, including the time and energy to do it. I'm having to eliminate any extra burdens, obligations, appointments, & stresses in my life so that I can focus on myself and my healing. I struggle to not feel guilty about it, especially since I'm not able to give explanations, but I'm learning to be much more compassionate and much less judgmental of myself and of others. You never know what burdens others are really carrying.
Monday, February 2, 2009
Leaving Egypt
I used to wonder why the Israelites complained after their miraculous rescue from Egypt by the prophet Moses. I couldn't imagine how they would question God or Moses' word after all they had done for them. But I understand now.
I can picture them, having left the slavery of Egypt, having witnessed the plagues and passover and knowing God had provided the way for them to leave. They had hope in the promised land - one they would obtain after leaving the deserts of Egypt. They left in faith, following their prophet, heading anxiously towards the promised land. When suddenly they realize they are being followed - vigorously pursued by pharoah's guards intent on killing them. As they rush forward they are faced not with a path to freedom, but with the vast Red Sea. No boats. No bridge. No escape. Relentlessly chased by violent warriors. Is it any wonder they questioned? Is it any surprise they wanted to go back? I wonder if they could even see off in the horizon their distant land of Egypt. Surely they thought it would be better to go back and be slaves to a pharoah than to perish a bloody death or drown in the depths of the sea. Some of them likely had never even known a different life than slavery. If they went back, surely they could continue as they always had, despite all that had transpired.
All they had was the word of a prophet and the promise of God. Each of those people had to decide for themselves if that was enough. There must have been a pre-miraculous moment of decision, the time that required the ultimate faith of each of them before Moses lifted his staff. They surely couldn't have foreseen or imagined the undeniable witness of God's power that was about to occur before their eyes. They each had to decide whether to rush to the guards and plead for mercy or rush into the water and rely on faith. Faith that God would deliver them, faith that their promised land would be given them, faith that the words of a living prophet would be fulfilled, faith that moving forward - however insurmountable the path ahead seemed - would be better than going back.
"Some days we will be miraculously led out of Egypt - seemingly free, seemingly on our way - only to come to yet another confrontation, like all that water lying before us. At those times we must resist the temptation to panic and give up. At those times fear will be the strongest of the adversary's weapons against us."
" ' And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord. ... The Lord shall fight for you.' In confirmation the great Jehovah said to Moses, 'Speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward.' "
"...After you have gotten the message, after you have paid the price to feel His love and hear the word of the Lord, go forward. Don't fear, don't vacillate, don't quibble, don't whine. You may, like Alma going to Ammonihah, have to find a route that leads an unusual way, but that is exactly what the Lord is doing here for the children of Israel. Nobody had ever crossed the Red Sea this way, but so what? There's always a first time. With the spirit of revelation, dismiss your fears and wade in with both feet. In the words of Joseph Smith, 'Brethren [and sisters], shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory!' "
(Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence, BYU Devotional, March 2, 1999.)
I can picture them, having left the slavery of Egypt, having witnessed the plagues and passover and knowing God had provided the way for them to leave. They had hope in the promised land - one they would obtain after leaving the deserts of Egypt. They left in faith, following their prophet, heading anxiously towards the promised land. When suddenly they realize they are being followed - vigorously pursued by pharoah's guards intent on killing them. As they rush forward they are faced not with a path to freedom, but with the vast Red Sea. No boats. No bridge. No escape. Relentlessly chased by violent warriors. Is it any wonder they questioned? Is it any surprise they wanted to go back? I wonder if they could even see off in the horizon their distant land of Egypt. Surely they thought it would be better to go back and be slaves to a pharoah than to perish a bloody death or drown in the depths of the sea. Some of them likely had never even known a different life than slavery. If they went back, surely they could continue as they always had, despite all that had transpired.
All they had was the word of a prophet and the promise of God. Each of those people had to decide for themselves if that was enough. There must have been a pre-miraculous moment of decision, the time that required the ultimate faith of each of them before Moses lifted his staff. They surely couldn't have foreseen or imagined the undeniable witness of God's power that was about to occur before their eyes. They each had to decide whether to rush to the guards and plead for mercy or rush into the water and rely on faith. Faith that God would deliver them, faith that their promised land would be given them, faith that the words of a living prophet would be fulfilled, faith that moving forward - however insurmountable the path ahead seemed - would be better than going back.
"Some days we will be miraculously led out of Egypt - seemingly free, seemingly on our way - only to come to yet another confrontation, like all that water lying before us. At those times we must resist the temptation to panic and give up. At those times fear will be the strongest of the adversary's weapons against us."
" ' And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord. ... The Lord shall fight for you.' In confirmation the great Jehovah said to Moses, 'Speak unto the children of Israel, that they go forward.' "
"...After you have gotten the message, after you have paid the price to feel His love and hear the word of the Lord, go forward. Don't fear, don't vacillate, don't quibble, don't whine. You may, like Alma going to Ammonihah, have to find a route that leads an unusual way, but that is exactly what the Lord is doing here for the children of Israel. Nobody had ever crossed the Red Sea this way, but so what? There's always a first time. With the spirit of revelation, dismiss your fears and wade in with both feet. In the words of Joseph Smith, 'Brethren [and sisters], shall we not go on in so great a cause? Go forward and not backward. Courage, brethren; and on, on to the victory!' "
(Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence, BYU Devotional, March 2, 1999.)
Cottage or Palace?
“Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself.” C.S. Lewis
Limping
"You are good when you walk to your goal firmly and with bold steps.
Yet you are not evil when you go thither limping.
Even those who limp go not backward."
The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran
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