I really don't know if this blog has helped anyone but me. But I think part of the healing process for me has been to write. So in an effort to continue the journey, I feel impressed to record some thoughts today.
I simply want to testify that healing is possible. At first, I thought my life was over, that everything I had ever known or understood disappeared in the moment I discovered my husband's addiction. But I have learned that healing takes time. Lots of time.
I will be eternally grateful for a patient, wise marriage counselor. He did not share my faith, but he shared my desire for reconciliation. He told us our marriage was his client, and he truly helped his client. We learned how to communicate, how to share fears and insecurities and that disharmony in a marriage is an opportunity to grow. It is not something to be avoided and ignored. I simply cannot fathom reaching this peaceful point in our marriage without the counseling we received. It was invaluable to us.
I am so thankful for the priesthood - for wise, caring leaders who had the keys to counsel me and offer insight directly from the Lord. Though not necessarily men I knew well before, in this setting they were invaluable to my healing. There were times when they spoke when I knew they were speaking for the Lord. How I needed His guidance, His comfort. How I needed the priesthood blessings that only they could pronounce at that point in my life.
I am so grateful for the temple. I gained more insight, peace & power from that place than anywhere else. I have since returned with my worthy husband and we have experienced continued healing together there. It is worth every sacrifice to be within those walls.
I am thankful for the scriptures and for prayer - for a continued lifeline to the words of the Lord and the comfort of a loving Heavenly Father. These practices are the conduit to inviting and receiving the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost.
I am filled with gratitude for my Savior, Jesus Christ. Because of Him, because of His infinite atonement, I don't hurt anymore. He has taken away my pain. I cannot explain it fully. It required constant effort on my part to choose each day to have faith, but it also was an incredible gift. After a very long time of feeling like I would always carry a measure of the sorrow in my heart, the Savior finally took it away. I can still remember the moments of depth with searing clarity in my mind, but my heart does not ache with the unending burden I once thought would never leave me. To say this change was miraculous feels to me an understatement. It was belovedly brilliant and completely altered the course of my life.
There is hope. I promise. There is peace. I promise. There is a future for you. I promise. Hold on. Cling to your covenants, to your Savior. Through Him, the healing will come and it will surpass all of the darkness and pain. I know. It has happened to me.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Our Favorite Books so far
There is a companion set of books by Rod W. Jeppsen - Pathway Publishing - that have been incredibly helpful for us. They are based on the Articles of Faith and are a workbook approach to healing from sexual addiction.
There is one for the struggling individual is entitled "Line Upon Line, Precept Upon Precept" and another one for the spouse or family member is entitled "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." I was able to find them at our local LDS bookstore, but if you can't locate them, I will include the publisher's information below so that you can contact them directly.
I have continually sought after things that would help and uplift me. I have endured incredibly difficult times that I have not posted about, striving to include only the avenues and resources that have been a strength and help to me. Things that would help and heal.
The spouse's book is so hopeful and helpful and uplifting. It is filled with scriptures and quotes from the brethren. It is quite daunting in length, but it's broken up into segments that are tolerable. Many of them require such introspection and emotional vulnerability, that I'm exhausted after each chapter. It's taken me quite some time to get through the book. But at the end he always provides suggestions of how to release, take a break, nourish your soul and continue to recover.
My husband speaks very highly of the other book. It is not quite as lengthy, but be sure to get the one in the workbook format. There is a smaller version that he said was not quite as helpful or instructive.
The author has a Master's in Counseling and has served as a Bishop & high councilor in the LDS Church. He has a wonderful testimony that is evident in his writing. I am so grateful for the time and work this fine man has done on these books. They have been a great strength and help to us.
(Pathway Publishing, PO Box 95122, South Jordan, Utah, 84095-0122, 801-253-3138)
There is one for the struggling individual is entitled "Line Upon Line, Precept Upon Precept" and another one for the spouse or family member is entitled "Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." I was able to find them at our local LDS bookstore, but if you can't locate them, I will include the publisher's information below so that you can contact them directly.
I have continually sought after things that would help and uplift me. I have endured incredibly difficult times that I have not posted about, striving to include only the avenues and resources that have been a strength and help to me. Things that would help and heal.
The spouse's book is so hopeful and helpful and uplifting. It is filled with scriptures and quotes from the brethren. It is quite daunting in length, but it's broken up into segments that are tolerable. Many of them require such introspection and emotional vulnerability, that I'm exhausted after each chapter. It's taken me quite some time to get through the book. But at the end he always provides suggestions of how to release, take a break, nourish your soul and continue to recover.
My husband speaks very highly of the other book. It is not quite as lengthy, but be sure to get the one in the workbook format. There is a smaller version that he said was not quite as helpful or instructive.
The author has a Master's in Counseling and has served as a Bishop & high councilor in the LDS Church. He has a wonderful testimony that is evident in his writing. I am so grateful for the time and work this fine man has done on these books. They have been a great strength and help to us.
(Pathway Publishing, PO Box 95122, South Jordan, Utah, 84095-0122, 801-253-3138)
Another Site
There is another helpful site that is Christian based that might be helpful for you. I have read some of their articles and listened to a few podcasts. It's www.covenanteyes.com. Thanks to Luke Gilkerson of their site who has provided me with some helpful places to start.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Help for My Husband
My husband's recovery has been aided in a great part by his participation in the online Candeo program. http://candeocan.com
There are podcasts, forums and education that are very useful and insightful. The practical principles he has learned from them have been life changing.
I am just now delving into the site, listening to some podcasts, etc. This journey has been so devastating and personal to me that I have been so incredibly hesitant to want to walk this road with anyone else, outside of this blog. I think it's part of the healing process, healing to the point that I can reach out to others in pain.
But perhaps this site can give you, or your husband, hope. It has helped my husband immensely.
There are podcasts, forums and education that are very useful and insightful. The practical principles he has learned from them have been life changing.
I am just now delving into the site, listening to some podcasts, etc. This journey has been so devastating and personal to me that I have been so incredibly hesitant to want to walk this road with anyone else, outside of this blog. I think it's part of the healing process, healing to the point that I can reach out to others in pain.
But perhaps this site can give you, or your husband, hope. It has helped my husband immensely.
Wonderful Talk
I heard a wonderful talk by Elder Dallin H. Oaks from the October 2006 Saturday morning General Conference session. It is entitled "He Heals the Heavy Laden". I strongly recommend you listen to the talk - listen to him give it. It is incredible.
Counseling
I want to talk a little about counseling and the role it has played in my recovery.
My husband and I met with an LDS counselor early on in the hopes that it would help us through our difficult experience. This individual pushed a certain book I had felt distinctly that I should not read. We left very discouraged and disheartened. Where were we to go for help?
After several months, I felt very prompted to seek counseling help again. I was very stuck in the depression stage of grieving and didn't know how to get out of it myself. Through my medical providers, I was referred to a different counselor. I was so nervous and quite skeptical, but I went anyway. That visit was the start of a wonderful, productive relationship that helped me in countless ways. I received individual counseling almost weekly for about four months. What a tremendous blessing that was for me.
I am NOT saying that LDS counselors are not helpful. What I AM saying is that there is not one path or cookie cutter way for everyone through this experience. The spirit told me strongly not to read the book the counselor required. The spirit also told me not to attend our local 12 step recovery support group which this counselor strongly encouraged as well. I do not discount or discredit any of these inspired pathways for help, but I do attest to the fact that Heavenly Father knows us individually. He can help us individually. We are responsible to listen to the guidance and direction of the spirit and act accordingly. He knows better than anyone else what and WHO we need in our lives right now.
For ME, it was incredibly helpful to have a counselor who did not share my religious beliefs who could help me work through my psychological issues completely separately from my spiritual concerns. Rest assured that during that time I was counseling regularly with my Bishop. He was key for me. He gave me inspired insight and direction that I knew He could give because of the keys he held and the stewardship he had over me that no one else could offer. Both of those individuals have been incredibly helpful for me in my healing process.
Now my husband and I are participating in couple's counseling - again with a non-LDS counselor. This counselor has been objective, direct and incredibly helpful. We felt specifically led to him and thank our Heavenly Father often for righteous, educated people who are not of our faith. We continue to work individually and together as a couple on our spiritual strength. This is key in the healing process. We have felt the continued love and support of righteous Priesthood leaders, grateful they have not insisted we walk the road that has worked for others of LDS counselors and 12 step support groups.
Heavenly Father is our Father. He knows us. He knows what we need. Trust Him. Follow the promptings you receive immediately and specifically. Especially when they don't seem to make sense. This journey has been an exercise in faith for me to the fifth degree. But Father has never left me comfortless.
My husband and I met with an LDS counselor early on in the hopes that it would help us through our difficult experience. This individual pushed a certain book I had felt distinctly that I should not read. We left very discouraged and disheartened. Where were we to go for help?
After several months, I felt very prompted to seek counseling help again. I was very stuck in the depression stage of grieving and didn't know how to get out of it myself. Through my medical providers, I was referred to a different counselor. I was so nervous and quite skeptical, but I went anyway. That visit was the start of a wonderful, productive relationship that helped me in countless ways. I received individual counseling almost weekly for about four months. What a tremendous blessing that was for me.
I am NOT saying that LDS counselors are not helpful. What I AM saying is that there is not one path or cookie cutter way for everyone through this experience. The spirit told me strongly not to read the book the counselor required. The spirit also told me not to attend our local 12 step recovery support group which this counselor strongly encouraged as well. I do not discount or discredit any of these inspired pathways for help, but I do attest to the fact that Heavenly Father knows us individually. He can help us individually. We are responsible to listen to the guidance and direction of the spirit and act accordingly. He knows better than anyone else what and WHO we need in our lives right now.
For ME, it was incredibly helpful to have a counselor who did not share my religious beliefs who could help me work through my psychological issues completely separately from my spiritual concerns. Rest assured that during that time I was counseling regularly with my Bishop. He was key for me. He gave me inspired insight and direction that I knew He could give because of the keys he held and the stewardship he had over me that no one else could offer. Both of those individuals have been incredibly helpful for me in my healing process.
Now my husband and I are participating in couple's counseling - again with a non-LDS counselor. This counselor has been objective, direct and incredibly helpful. We felt specifically led to him and thank our Heavenly Father often for righteous, educated people who are not of our faith. We continue to work individually and together as a couple on our spiritual strength. This is key in the healing process. We have felt the continued love and support of righteous Priesthood leaders, grateful they have not insisted we walk the road that has worked for others of LDS counselors and 12 step support groups.
Heavenly Father is our Father. He knows us. He knows what we need. Trust Him. Follow the promptings you receive immediately and specifically. Especially when they don't seem to make sense. This journey has been an exercise in faith for me to the fifth degree. But Father has never left me comfortless.
Still here...
I am still here. Still moving forward. Still slogging through chest high mud in an effort to rebuild my marriage. I know there is no timeline in all of this, but it sure feels like I've been at this for a long, long time.
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